Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

Archive for the tag “Barren”

Beauty of the Season


Winter, Read more…

Where Faith Grows

A man told me love would last until death stole our breath.
We divorced; I lost faith in love.

My body failed to produce a child of my own.
I am infertile; I lost faith in family.

Terrorists flew planes into a building and thousands of lives were lost in one day.
In fear; I lost faith in man.

At each loss, I scream, “Why?!” I opened the Bible and found comfort…

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good. PSALM 25:7
I have faith in unconditional love.

Sing barren woman, you who never bore a child, burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolte woman than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD. ISAIAH 54:1-3
Be glad, barren woman, you who never bore a child; shout for joy and cry aloud, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband. GALATIONS 4:27
I have faith in family even if it does not come from my own DNA. The same message is given in the Old Testament and the New Testament…God is good.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. JOHN 3:16
I have faith in Jesus.

This is the role that faith played in my life. Faith continues to grow.

That’s It!

My mood shifted negatively as I turned the calendar over from October to November.  How can I feel positive knowing that date is just a few days away?

That date is November 9; forever etched as a scar on my belly.  That spot where the majority of women, deserving and non-deserving, usually have stretch marks from the precious life that grew inside of them for 9 months.

November 9, 1992.  Sure, I can give you definitions for words such as barren and infertile, but it is the emotional experience that cannot be defined or explained.  My infertility was unexpected and it felt like my “dirty little secret” because nobody understood the pain I was going through, so I kept it to myself.  I was hesitant to share my story with the members of a web-based support group called ChildlessNotByChoice which, by the grace of God, I found while surfing in 2002.  For the past ten years, with the help of this website, I have been slowly making peace with infertility.

I was raised in a Christian home and attended private schools and I thought I knew God.  However, I have begun to sit at the foot of the cross naming and claiming the pain of infertility.  From somewhere deep inside me, that place invisible to any high-powered MRI machine, I scream out to God telling Him how unfruitful and unproductive my life feels.  Then God takes His hand to my chin, lifts up my face to meet His, gently wipes the tears from my eyes and says, “Kristine, that’s it!  Now we can begin.”

Isaiah 43:10-11 New Living Translation (NLT)

“But you are my witnesses, O Israel!” says the Lord.  “You are my servant.  You have been chosen to know me, believe in me, and understand that I alone am God. There is no other God–there never has been, and there never will be. I, yes I, am the Lord, and there is no other Savior.

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