iBelieve

Jesus said to her, " I am the resurrection and the life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?" She said to him, "Yes, Lord, I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one coming into the world." John 11:25-28

Archive for the category “Vulnerable”

In Withdrawal


via Daily Prompt: Tempted

I was 19 years old.  I got out of work after 5pm and the bank had already closed for the day. I needed a little money out of my meager savings account to fill up my gas tank, as well as have a little entertainment money for the evening. My only option for money withdrawal was from the ATM machine.

I drove to the bank and walked through the first set of doors and turned right to the ATM machine. I dug out my ATM card from my wallet and slid it into the card reader. I punched in my PIN number and answered the standard questions:

Savings or Checking: Savings

Withdraw or Deposit: Withdraw

$10.00, $20.00, $50.00, $100: $20.00

The ATM machine was processing my request and when the little door opened to give me my money, to my surprise was a little gift left by someone before me. I was standing in front of an unmarked envelope with a wad of cash inside. Someone either didn’t know how to use the ATM machine, or it was a trap to catch a thief.

I stood there frozen in thought. Do I grab this envelope and my $20.00 and walk away? Do I leave the envelope where it is and take my $20.00 and walk away? It’s after hours, how would I let someone at the bank know there is improperly placed money in the ATM machine?

I was 19 years old. It was a hard decision; my savings balance was low.  “Who didn’t know how to use an ATM machine?” I said under my breath.

I stood there frozen in thought, my heart beating faster, and little beads of sweat formed on my brow. I remembered the camera inside the ATM machine was watching me. I am sure if authorities reviewed the tape, they would see me standing there for at least 6 minutes for a transaction that took no more than 2 minutes.

I was 19 years old; my morals kicked in and kept me from being tempted.

Exodus 20:15  “You shall not steal.”

God’s Not Dead 2


I just spent a snowy April afternoon Read more…

Exiting the Closet


On November 9, 2010 I came out of the closet on this blog. Not the typical closet that most are accustomed to hearing about; I came out of an even more secret closet…the childless closet. This is the blog Blessing in Disguise, if you have not read it before.

It was a very vulnerable move on my part as only select people were privy to this information in the past. So why did I do it? I did it because I made peace with this part of my life.

I am a charter member of ChildlessNotByChoice, a childless website begun in 2002. I owe so much to Diane and Kimberly who founded the site out of their own need for a childless community. I thank the members there for their virtual hand-holding and understanding of the pain, fears, and frustrations of being childless not by choice. With all of their support, I have been able to make peace with my surgically removed dreams of motherhood.

For years I focused on the fact that children are a gift from God, and I wasn’t given this gift. I felt left out and I allowed this to block my view of all of the other blessings that God has given me. I realized this week that even though I am a parent to none, God’s children are everywhere and every age. I am able to share His word and love with God’s children I never bore.

I made my exit from the childless closet to let you know that while I was in there, I struggled with what I thought should have been my blessing. In my humanness, I was angry and confused with God.

Today, I am walking in faith, by the grace of God, knowing that I am right where I should be. I extend to you my virtual hand to hold, along with my virtual shoulder to lean on, from this day forward. I am willing to listen to you without judging, walk along side you without running away, and pray for you unceasingly. Whatever burden you carry, I want you to know the love of God.

This is a confidential invitation. I will only share your burdens in prayer with God.

Ephesians 3:14-19(NIV)

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

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