iBelieve

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” Mark 9:24

Archive for the category “Anniversary”

MARCH 2, 2022


Today is Ash Wednesday. It is a solemn day in which I take my Christian faith seriously and begin the next 40 days on a journey to the cross of my Savior Jesus Christ knowing that the cross is not the end. I observe fasting ingrained from my Catholic upbringing and tie it in with a Lenten Grace group devotional from my practicing Protestant tradition.

Today also marks the third anniversary of my mother’s entrance to heaven.

I started this blog in 2010 after my father passed away in 2009. Writing helps me sort out all the thoughts that tornado in my mind and gives you, the reader, a peek at how I incorporate God in the whirlwind.

I wrote many blogs on grief (Late Night Visitor series) after my mother’s passing. It was a healthy way for me to voice the pain of loss. I acknowledged the elephant in the room of my mind and gave it space even though it was very hard. But it was definitely healing.

I think of my parents daily as they were such big influences in my life. After helping to care for each of them at the end of their lives, I remain a little empty and lost. When my mom passed away, I paced around my house not knowing what to do with myself since she was a big part of my day for the three years prior to her passing.

As we read in the Bible, the disciples of Jesus were lost and confused after Jesus’s death on the cross. In fact, they hid in fear that they were next. But the three years they spent with Jesus on his journey to the cross gave them the directions they needed for their life ahead. God gave them His strength for their calling to grow His kingdom.

My parents worked hard to give my family a good life. I know my mother would be shaking her head at me if she saw me shed a tear for her today. She and my dad raised me in the Christian faith, and I know death is not the end. She is face to face with Jesus and all her family and friends that went before her. So mom, the tears I shed today are because I miss your physical presence. I miss the wonderful aromas filtering through the house from your days of cooking and baking. I miss talking to you each night and I miss how you kept our family traditions. I am so thankful God gave me you as a mother.

Today I will have ashes placed on my forehead as remembrance that I am from dust and to dust I shall go. I will begin the journey on the road to the cross with Jesus knowing that death has no victory. I will shed a tear or two in remembrance of my mother and then God will give me His strength to keep going to grow His kingdom.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-26


My drive to work is a leisurely 25 mph around 7 a.m. through a residential neighborhood. Some houses along the route illumine against the dark winter morning sky. Families are waking at this hour and because they do not have window coverings, I am allowed a glimpse of their morning routine.

For example, I pass a house with a little child pushed up close to the table in a high chair sitting to the left of an adult at the head of the table. The adult is feeding the child, which to most of you reading this is no big deal. One of those, “been there, done that” moment in life. But to me, who was never blessed with a child, this is a moment I can only imagine taking place in my kitchen.

In the morning before work, I eat breakfast alone.

20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Revelation 3:20 NIV

My house illumines the dark winter mornings as I eat breakfast. If there was a knock at my door so early in the day, I would be hesitant to open it.

But from this verse in a literal sense, I would have to open the door in case it was Jesus standing there. I would invite Him in and be awestruct that He was there How would I know it was Jesus, though? this day and age, I think I would be afraid of someone knocking at my door early in the morning. However, the light illumining in the dark winter sky had attracted someone to knock.

I do not have window coverings on the window in front of my sink, but my kitchen is in the back of my house. Let’s assume this is you in the morning going about your routine with your child and suddenly there is a knock at your door.

You are in your pajamas, or robe, and your hair is a mess from sleeping. You breathe in the palm of your hand to check just how bad your morning breath resonates. Are you going to open the door to see who is calling at such an early hour? You really cannot hide from the visitor because you have no window coverings.

What if Jesus was riding through your neighborhood and stopped at your house because He saw you eating breakfast through an undressed window?

Jesus knocks at your door.

Late Night Visitor – When the Clock Chimes


My dad gave my mom money to shop for her own birthday and Christmas presents from him. I can attest to this fact as I was the one who always went shopping with her. Dad must have learned sometime early in their marriage that it was easier for her to buy what she wanted. Smart man.

Dad surprised mom on their anniversary one year. He bought her a gold clock covered in a glass dome. It offers three optional melodies at the top of the hour, but mom, being a structured sort of person, kept the same melody on the clock since she got it.

The clock was kept in the center of the buffet in the dining room just outside their bedroom. There are four balls connected to a center post under the face of the clock that spin right and left for a mesmerizing visual effect. Some years ago, the clock stopped playing the melody at the top of the hour. Somehow it slipped and chimes eight minutes after the hour.

On the early morning when mom passed away, we all looked at our watches and cell phones to note the time of her last breath; 12:36AM. Since she was under Hospice care, we called the Hospice nurse who either lived minutes away, or was visiting a family nearby, because she was in our presence rather quickly.

We watched as she placed her stethoscope in each ear and upon placing the sound piece on mom’s chest, she pronouced her death at 1:08AM just as the clock was sounding the melody mom picked out. I was in the doorway of her bedroom nearest to the clock and mumbled under my breath that she really passed away at 12:36.

I inheirited the clock. The melody mom picked out sounds eight minutes after the hour. Not knowing how old the clock is, I believe its parts are fragile as I cannot get the four balls connected to the center post under the face of the clock to spin in their mesmerizing motion.

In time, we will all lose functionality.

In God’s time, we will be reunited with Him and those we loved on earth.

Romans 13:11 (NIV)

The Day Is Near

11 And do this, understanding the present time: The hour has already come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed.

I Want To Go Back


In this Christmas season, my house is not decorated like a picture out of Good Housekeeping magazine, nor is my table festively decorated.  Read more…

Moving On


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Happy Blogiversary!!


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Painfully Celebrating


I divorced my reproductive system 19 years ago today. Read more…

September 30, 2000


September 30, 2000

I, Kristine, take you Mark, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

 We are together because the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  Genesis 2:18

 We bought a house and brought it up-to-date.

 We received a new kidney.

 We cried as Pixel, Jaguar, Clyde and Shadow crossed over the Rainbow Bridge.

 We miss parents who have passed to eternal life.

 We graduated from college.

 We love and spoil Alli, Bean, Mojo and Zoe.

 We are a perfect fit; we never have to adjust the seat or mirrors in either of our cars.

 We play video games, read, and blog.

 We are a team.

♥ We are DEBT FREE!!

 Happy 11th Wedding Anniversary, Mark!  God blessed me with you.

 ,

   Kristine

We played this song during the lighting of the unity candle. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-5(NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

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