Here’s to Loss, Part 2
It takes time to process loss in our lives. My new husband saw how this loss was affecting not only me personally, but also my relationships with others. I felt left out of anything that said “Family-Friendly”. In my rebellion, I would park in the unofficial parking spots designated for Expectant Mothers Only as well as the spots for Mothers with Small Children. I felt discriminated against because I would never get to park there for the reasons intended.
When we come to that place of, what some people may call, “acceptance”, we leave our insecurities at home and seek out others with the same kind of loss so we can form a bond; a bond of understanding.
When I was introduced to the internet, I began my search typing in words such as infertility and childless. The information on the internet seemed like an infant at that time in comparison to the wealth of wisdom that pops up when I enter the same search terms today. I remember clicking here and there and being led elsewhere with another click of the mouse. Click after click I finally hit upon an interesting site full of Christian women and men who were just like me, Childless Not By Choice. I read their infertility stories with tears in my eyes because I understood their pain they expressed of not being mom or dad to a child that shared their DNA. I found people who understood me.
On that website we realized, and often discussed, how different our loss stories were, but we ended up in a melting pot of loss together. When one person understands the same loss as another, it makes each of them begin to feel a little more whole as a person.
Together we began to grow out of the deep pit of despair and learned to hold each other up in prayer. We began to share interests, hobbies and stories about our pets, which are better known as, our fur-babies. We accepted and celebrated who we were as people of God placed on this earth for something greater than pro-creation.
It takes time to process loss in our lives and because of it; I found a blessing in disguise.
Genesis 26:12 (NIV)
Isaac planted crops in that land and the same year reaped a hundredfold, because the Lord blessed him.